Category Archive

If I were Sarah Palin, and I had accepted the VP nomination…KNOWING that my unwed, teenage daughter was pregnant…KNOWING what a media shit-storm that would incur…I would kind of expect inappropriate things to be said about my kids. Because having accepted that nomination…I became a public figure, and my family along with me.
And if Sarah Palin were really about her kids…she would have kept her mouth shut about David Letterman…because the only reason the majority of the world was even made aware of his comments (which I do think were inappropriate) was because SHE drew the nation’s attention to those remarks through her protest in the media.
If you lie down with dogs…you get up with fleas…and if someone in your house has fleas…so will you.

Sarah Palin…prominent, maybe. Hell…lots of people are prominent. Beyonce, Britney Spears, David Beckham…this list could go on and on.
Articulate? (Yes, I KNOW her name is spelled incorrectly in the link - at least - until they correct it)
Um….no.

We looked at our then 6 and 9-year old sons and told them about Columbine - in a way appropriate to their ages. We told them it would never happen to them but just in case…there were some things we wanted them to know. We felt like it was important to tell them that if they ever heard something that sounded like gunshots at school - NOT to look around, just hide. At school. Gunshots.
We also told them to be kind. Not to pile on the different kids. Not to help create this kind of problem.
I still can’t believe we talked to our young kids about guns in school. In school. Sort of made a mockery of those “Safe Haven” signs they passed every day on the way in.
I hope the Columbine survivors have found some kind of peace in their lives. I hope the rest of us have learned to be kind and more forgiving of the ones who are different. The ones who don’t fit in.
I hope.

the elderly one who lived down the street from you? Who lived in the tiny house and had 14 cats because she was so lonely? And her whole house smelled like cat pee? The one they found starved to death because she couldn’t afford to feed herself and all those cats? So she fed the cats?
Let’s just hope Nadya Suleman uses that food stamp money to feed the cats kids. Because she is just batshit crazy.

just copied straight from Facebook…because it’s been two months since I’ve posted anything and I feel like I’m totally wasting the hosting fees.

1. I was a vegetarian for 15 years, through two pregnancies. And then we realized we had spawned carnivores instead of herbivores.
2. I don’t watch television. I used to have a vanity plate that read BLOPYRTV. Like the line from the John Prine song. My mother calls this “biting the hand that feeds you.”
3. My 4th grade teacher said using profanity proves that you are ignorant and do not have an large vocabulary. I’ve been trying to prove her wrong ever since.
4. I can recite the entire dialogue of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” and “Blazing Saddles.”
5. I drive a 1995 Saab convertible…with a stick. I LOVE my car. Yesterday I put the top down even though it was 55. Sometimes…you just need to have the top down.
6. I read. I read all the time. I read Booker and Pulitzer prize winners, but I read a lot of trash too.
7. I read the encyclopedia and the dictionary when I was a kid, and now I’ve substituted the internet.
8. All that time I gain by NOT watching television…I totally waste it on the internet.
9. I started smoking on a church retreat when I was 15. I quit the day I found out I was pregnant with our oldest son. I haven’t had a single one since. He will be 20 in August.
10. I still dream about cigarettes. If I knew I was going to die tomorrow…I’d have a cigarette.
11. I have lived in my dream house since I was 33. Thanks Richard!
12. I love being from the South. If I had to leave North Carolina…I would move to Tennessee or Texas.
13. Music keeps me sane. I don’t think I could live without it.
14. I once realized I couldn’t marry a man I had been with for 2 years because he didn’t care that John Lennon had been shot.
15. I can sew. Like really sew. Like drapes and clothes and elaborate Halloween costumes. I wish I had time and a better sewing machine.
16. My husband had to teach me how to change a diaper.
17. I had one of the best mothers-in-law in the world, and I still miss her.
18. I was a competitive gymnast for 6 years. A cheerleader for 1 year. A diver for 1 year. An aerobic instructor for about 3 months (when I still smoked!).
19. I was almost drowned when I was a kid by this obnoxious girl who belonged to some friends of my parents. I’m not real fond of being in water. (When I called home to tell my parents I was going to be on the diving team…my mom said “but…you can’t SWIM?”) I can actually swim - but I do tend to sink instead of float.
20. I hated my sister until I was 21. Now I would fall apart without her.
21. I can’t do math. I skipped 4th through 6th grade math…so whatever you learn then - I don’t know it. (It was learn at your own pace…so I read instead…for 3 years)
22. My greatest hope for Barack Obama is that he and his family make it safely through the next 8 years.
23. I miss Thompson (my grandmother) almost every day of my life. I try to love my kids like Thompson loved me.
24. When I was about 7, I convinced my Granddaddy Poole to let me fire his German Luger pistol (which probably hadn’t been cleaned in about 20 years) at the garage (made of concrete blocks). We took a huge chunk out of it, and it is one of my favorite childhood memories. My mother was livid. It was awesome.
25. I have a tattoo on my left ankle, and a daith piercing in my left ear.

This song was written in 1988. I probably wouldn’t have heard it lately except that Richard uses it on his playlists. Last night it was playing while we were making dinner and I really heard the one line: “the power to dream, to rule, to wrestle the world from fools…” This would have been a great campaign song for Obama/Biden. You can read the entire lyric here. And remember to vote!
(I can’t embed it without messing up the whole template, but here’s the link”
http://www.youtube.com/v/EgXdJqWc1U4&hl=en&fs=1

of the totally screwed mind. This will come in SO handy if Obama/Biden do not win.

from the National Enquirer?  Who could have guessed the National Enquirer was
just another liberal media outlet that exists for the sole purpose of
libeling the Republicans?

perhaps we could elect HIM?!  On the 14 mile drive to pick up C. from school today, as I passed 15 gas stations - all out of gas - this song was running through my head. What a bunch of idiots we all are…almost 30 years ago, this man wrote this song about a poor economy and gas shortages.  Those who do not remember history….blah blah blah…

“Who needs a car and a seven-forty-seven
When you can’t buy a gallon of gas
Who needs a highway, an airport or a jet
When you can’t get a gallon of gas
There’s no more left to buy or sell
There’s no more oil left in the well
A gallon of gas can’t be purchased anywhere
For any amount of cash
You can’t buy a gallon of gas.”
(copyright 1979 Ray Davies - buy the album cd…it’s great)

Because my brain is nothing if not…random.

1. How far does the electrocuted squirrel fall from the power line? (The boys couldn’t find it.)
2. Can anyone see themselves standing in their yard in the Google Earth picture of their house?  I can see our trampoline, the pond and the go-cart track in the kudzu…what if one of us had been standing there at the time?
3. Why do people fly in surgical scrubs?  Are they really medical professionals who didn’t have time to change?  They didn’t…operate in those clothes, did they? And they’re not going to operate in those scrubs when they get where they’re going…so why not wear real clothes?
4. Can I look like Helen Mirren when I’m 63?  Please?
5. I haven’t finished a book in over 3 weeks. (I think this is a record) And haven’t really started any new ones.  Haven’t been in the library in almost 2 months (I think my overdue fees are more than $30)   I’ve been watching tv shows on my ipod…is this how Americans watch so much television?  They don’t ever read?  It’s so much easier to watch than read - it’s kind of frightening.
6. How does anyone ever clear their mind to meditate?  Once you get it all empty…don’t more thoughts just wander in?  How do you make them stop?  Is there like a gate or something?  A door?
7. Could the financial crisis have been engineered or timed for political gain?

if you live on the Gulf Coast (or near it) and you see a hurricane that FILLS UP THE ENTIRE GULF it’s so damn big…why on earth would you still be there?  One hold-out on Galveston Island says “Most people on the island live on second or third stories, so they don’t have to worry about the water so much.”  I know my math is lacking but a 22-foot storm surge…let’s see…15 feet of stilts + 9 feet (1st floor)…um…24 feet..and that’s IF your house is on pilings or something.  Isn’t that a little CLOSE???  What about the 105 mile per hour winds…and that’s before it strengthens as it’s expected to do before landfall?
For your sake, Mr. IReporter and the other 3.5 million people in the path…I hope there’s a miracle.  I think you’re going to need one.

Horrified by the assumption that any woman will do?  Go here and see that you are NOT alone…maybe I won’t have to scream at the radio today.

Who compared herself to a pit bull anyway?  Pit bull…pig…what’s the difference…hell, pigs are smarter.
He wasn’t even talking about HER.  (It’s really NOT all about HER, and they can’t be that stupid…but they certainly think WE are.)
Does she not do interviews because she doesn’t cast a shadow or something?
Did they really think I’d vote for her just because she doesn’t have a penis?
Why won’t she stop referencing the “Bridge to Nowhere”….NO ONE is buying THAT one anymore.

I’ve been screaming at the radio today….may we burn them?  Metaphorically at least. (and yeah I understand that the Holy Grail scene isn’t really well-used here but…work with me)
Please vote for Obama/Biden..or help fund my stay in the insane asylum.  Thanks.

win the WNBA Western Conference for me.  Because San Antonio is only HALFWAY across the country.  Even I, with my limited sense of direction and geographical knowledge, have figured THAT out.  There’s even a direct flight.  And a good sushi place.  And the hotel smells great.  All this…and it’s only halfway.  Come on San Antonio…
And while I’m bothering to care about the outcome of a sporting event…I’ll cross my fingers for New York or Indiana in the East.  Please…please…please…just once can I work a WNBA Final without having to go to Connecticut?  Is that so much to ask?

which head those Republican men use when they vote…I think this may answer THAT question. Go ahead…vote for the hot chick.  The hot (anti-contraception, anti-gay, pro-life, pentacostal) nut job…uh, vice presidential babe.

After spending 2 days in one of my least favorite places on earth, I started comparing it to one of the levels of hell in Dante’s Inferno.  Which led to a Google search. (Of course it did - what did I do for entertainment before Google?  I read the encyclopedia and the dictionary that’s what…)
Anyhow…just to put your mind at rest, you can now determine exactly what level of hell to which you will descend.  If you’re interested in that sort of thing.
Take the “Dante’s Inferno Quiz.”  Let me know where you are…maybe I’ll see you there.  Apparently I’ll be on Level 2 (score: High!?  WTF??)…”a place mute of all light” (I do hate the dark) where I’ll be “blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire (yeah..right)” to punish me for my “transgressions (excuse me?)”  I’ve been married for almost 23 years…”transgressions”?  Me?  Uh…no.
Or maybe I’ll end up on the far more appropriate Level 1 (score: Moderate).  Level 1 is Limbo…for “virtuous non-believers.”  Level 1 sounds great…”sorrow without torment” and “the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.”  Socrates, Aristotle, Homer and Virgil are supposed to be in this Level…so the company would be interesting.
Maybe I’ll see you there?

Thanks Richard…for spotting this one!

You just need to read this…I’ve no idea who wrote it - but I loved it.  I saw it on my Cliff Notes to American politics…in the comments.

Here’s a screen grab of my top 15 most played songs of the last couple of weeks.
Rob Zombie at #1?  Kind of scary, huh?
(It’s on my running playlist - so’s the AC/DC…in my defense, sort of …)

means pro-CHOICE…right?  All the choices available?  Keeping the baby, adoption, abortion?  I have very mixed feelings about abortion. I can absolutely comprehend and appreciate the whole “it stops a beating heart” argument…YET…there are times…when there should be options.  Bristol Palin is a lucky girl in many ways.  She and her baby will have a very supportive family.  She will have access to excellent prenatal care (hopefully better than her mother’s - flying at 8 months?), if her marriage (to the kid whose MySpace page said he didn’t want kids) fails - her family will be there for her.  She will probably be able to continue her education because of this support.  That is her choice.  I admire her for it.  It was not the easy choice.
Everyone can’t always make that harder choice.
Although, perhaps choosing an abortion IS the harder choice for some.
There can be so many circumstances that conspire against a potential mother (whether she’s 17 or 47).   Half of me thinks (and knows) those women (and their partners) need to have a choice too.  Even if it’s not Bristol’s mother’s choice.
The other half of me…is really afraid we justify murder in this way.

But if I don’t know the answer, neither does the pro-life movement.  And that’s why there should still be a… choice.

last night in front of C-Span, I remember thinking…this Barack guy…he’s just a rational man.  He’s easy to understand, he doesn’t use those really big words.  Can’t we listen to what the man says with our own ears and not wait for someone else to tell us what was “meant.”
What do YOU think he’s saying?
He was definitely speaking English before I fell asleep.
Why do we need 10 assorted television personalities, or putative journalists to translate what is being said in our own language?

He’s a rational man.  Please, America…can we - just this once - elect the rational man?

after 7 minutes of Melissa Etheridge. Who the fuck thought THAT was a good idea? Please, God…tell me that whoever made that choice will have NO influence over government policy. I don’t care that she’s gay, I’m so sorry she has cancer…but her music is dreadful…WHY is it being given such a platform?

And it just gets worse….”Eye of the Tiger”…who CHOSE this music. Can we fire them?

8 inches of rain, ANOTHER cracked driveway culvert (once again courtesy of those
folks who laid waste to the pretty woodsy stuff at
front of our land last week!?), and a really, really long…

somewhat neglected gravel driveway - makes a great workout
for me and the boys.
Nice crop circle at the back there…courtesy of the gocart (gokart? how do you spell that?)…

When you’ve had less than 5 hours of sleep almost every night for the last 14, when you know that there were 7 panels of ceiling in your hotel room and 3 of them were half the size of the other 4…in an apparently random pattern, and that your smoke detector didn’t blink (some of them do) it just glowed red, and that the hotel lobby music can be heard very, very faintly in your room when everything is really quiet (like at 4am)…ANYHOW…when you are this sleep-deprived and you’ve finished the Red Bull…THIS is what you listen to for the 4 1/2 hour drive home:

Low (Flo Rida, featuring T-Pain)
Kerosene (Miranda Lambert)
Cumbersome (Seven Mary Three)
Dragula (Rob Zombie)
Shadowman (Afro Celt Sound System - great song..SOUNDS like Red Bull feels…)
The Body Says No & Spanish Techno (The New Pornographers)
Money Talks (AC/DC)
Complicated & Renae (George DeVore - just got stuck on these, must have listened to Renae about 8 times)
Light Up Ya Lighter (Michael Franti and Spearhead)
Washington Bullets (The Clash)
Don’t Get Me Started (Rodney Crowell)
If I Had a Rocket Launcher (Bruce Cockburn…I have a anti-war song playlist on my ipod…can you tell?)
16 Military Wives (The Decemberists)
Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned (Prodigy) [C says the actual name of this song is “Spitfire.”  No clue why it’s labeled like this on all our hard drives]

and then…I listened to the news on NPR. Then back to the musical psychosis. Fun. And I made it home in 4 hours. No tickets, no stopping.
It’s nice to be HOME!

*It’s a line from a song, but I think only Richard will know it!

So I’m trying for a reason for every day the Olympics are being held.

Reason for August 8: The IOC voted to drop baseball after this year. Really? You’re going to keep freaking ice dancing which is represented by maybe 6 countries - and stupid to boot….vs baseball - which is played in over 100 countries?

Reason for August 9: As of 2004…the only Olympic sport that still requires its participants to be amateurs…boxing. Well…I don’t watch boxing anyhow…gives me nightmares. But kudos to whatever boxing federation for holding out for the true Olympic ideal.

Reason for August 10: 278 micrograms of particulate matter per cubic meter of Beijing air. (Think that’s about a Code Red for us here) GREAT day to play soccer..outside… go USA!

Okay…so I got caught up in the whole swimming thing.  [I did always believe the best part of being drafted onto the college diving team…was watching the men’s swim team practice. (and listening to the music…Van Halen…and Pure Prairie League…go figure!?)]  So I guess I found a soft spot in my cynical heart for USA Swimming.

Make lemonade - or wine (that’s a fruit product too)
I was waiting for the redeye from Sacramento to Charlotte.
I got all the way to the door of the plane when the little pilot guy came running
up and said “stop boarding…the pilot is stuck in Phoenix.”
So the lemonade became wine and cheese at the only open place in the Sacramento Airport.
The wine bar wisely decided to stay open…until….
I even tried blue cheese again…and I still don’t like it. I just wish the people next to me would leave
for Las Vegas…they are loud and stupid.

I have to say…I really liked this movie. It could have been awful. But if you are a Mel Brooks fan…and can appreciate the genius of casting Steve Carell (and Anne Hathaway and Alan Arkin) you will laugh too. ALOT. Are there some moments that don’t work? Yes. Did I see it on 3 hours sleep and a couple of glasses of wine? Yep. But I still think it was hilarious. Tell me what you think. Maybe I liked it because I remember the tv show, and Steve Carell is much better than Don Adams. (And after googling that…I’m hoping I watched in re-runs…1965-1969???)

My favorite movie recently has been “Lars and the Real Girl.” So if you folks who read this (and I know there ARE some of you…I can see the stats) have seen either movie…tell me what you thought. I’d be interested in your opinions.

1. Is it a bad sign when your cab driver stops halfway to LaGuardia (at 4:15 am) and hurls himself down on the street to look under his cab? And then the cab smells like it’s burning the rest of the way?  And then your flight was cancelled anyway?
2. How many calories were in that Cinnabon I ate this morning?
3. How many times will I listen to the New Pornographers “Sing Me Spanish Techno” before I get tired of it?
4. What will I watch after I go through my last 3 hoarded episodes of “Lost?”

on 14th and Constitution. Beth and I were walking around Washington this morning (before going to work to sit for 12 hours), we saw a mother duck and her ducklings start across 14th just as the light changed. We stopped the 2 lanes of traffic and herded the ducklings across to catch up to the mother duck - and then realized that they couldn’t jump the curb. So we ran up and down the street catching each duckling and boosting them over the curb.
I wish I’d had a camera…

At least one of the cats loves me.

1.  Why Dunkin Donuts puts half the cream & sugar I want in my coffee, yet gives me 4 times as much butter on my bagel - even after I ask for “not much butter.”
2.  Why northerners put tomatoes in grilled cheese sandwiches.  Really?  People EAT that?
3.  What is the appeal of a ginournmous, incredibly loud casino?  Aren’t there quieter, better smelling ways to lose money?  Is it some kind of karmic way we pay reparations to the Native Americans?

1. Perhaps there was a draft in the 1960’s because the parents were so fed up with their 18-year-old sons.

2. Doesn’t it seem like God is kind of mad with the world…tornados, earthquakes, typhoons, hand-foot-mouth disease…and that’s just this month…and this month is only half over. Do you think Mitt Romney or Mike Huckabee believe it’s all because they were defeated?

3. $4.00 for a gallon of gas? Thanks Mr. Reagan…for dumping all those alternative power program and incentives.

4. Why did I almost have an anxiety attack in the voting booth last week…with all the other stuff in my life to stress and freak out over…why did a vote cause so much angst? I’m still conflicted over it. Geez.

5. If your bank says the deposit has cleared…how can it not really BE there? It’s like double-secret probation…it’s there in 2 places…but not there in a 3rd.   Are they just toying with me? I’ll never really believe them now.

6. Why do people watch Jerry Springer? Why do people appear on the Jerry Springer show? Why were there…puppets on the Jerry Springer show yesterday? (the tv was on in the place D and I were eating lunch…good God! THESE people vote? I hope not…but it would explain SO much)

This here’s North Carolina. All us 2,434,401 registered Democrats’d like to thank y’all for all this tv time we’re gettin’. We were startin’ to think we’d fallen right off that there map. We’re right glad this here primary thing we’re fixing to have won’t be a waste of the money and all. We know y’all think we can’t read or write, and we’ll probably pick the wrong person…what with all our rural voters.
Thing is…there’s only two we can pick from…y’all winnowed out all the rest of ‘em. We’ll just have to do the best we can with what y’all left us.
Thanks,
NC Democrats

allow a 135 pound 18-year-old and his mother to push a 1999 Camaro with a dead battery…up a hill - it WAS a small hill, but still…I drove a VW Bug when I was 18…and I could push it BY MYSELF!   There’s a lot to be said for that.

that’s what our younger son just called me as we were discussing the calorie count/serving size on the whole grain cinnamon pop tarts.

I saw this on Vim and Vinegar…but thought it was worth posting as well. The quote at the end is Charlie Chaplin’s speech from the “The Great Dictator.”

1. The man in the Kannapolis Walgreen’s who was ranting at the checkout girl about how Obama is really Muslim, and worships the false god. Even Fox News doesn’t call him Muslim…(I was holding my breath…I just wanted him to leave before I had to open my mouth…I did talk to HER after he left though…to tell her to look it up for herself!)

2. Conservapedia. No? Really? Never let FACTS get in the way of information. (thanks Richard)

3. And there are always people like…THIS!

Maybe I should start one.  Anyhow…if you ever find a camera or media with pictures on it, go to I Found Your Camera.

This site tries to reunite lost pictures with their owners.  In a few months this could be almost as cool as PostSecret.

So…I’ve been tagged by the maven of American politics, and I haven’t posted in DAYS…much less posted anything good. Oh…the pressure.
So I’m taking the easy way out. With a very thought-provoking LINK. This is an Implicit Association Test. There used to be a link to the Harvard website that had a similar test, but since Oprah apparently did a show about it, the Harvard one has been made too complicated to use. The link will take you to a test similar to the one to which Malcolm Gladwell refers in “Blink.” (You should read “Blink” if you haven’t already)
Well…I’ve not taken such an easy way. Now I feel obligated to write more…and the morning is getting away from me.
I just took the test to make sure it was the one I thought it was, and my results showed “a strong automatic preference for African American compared to European American.” I’m not sure I’m really without prejudice (I am ‘european american’), I think the kind of work I do made it much easier for me to control my answers quickly enough to skew the results…if I’m being truly honest. I do think I have prejudices. (Probably more towards Republicans and people with Northern accents than people who don’t have the same skin color I do.)
I don’t really know anyone to tag…so this one ends with me. Take the test though…it’s interesting.

and Jim Cantori is doing a live standup from the town in which you are working…it’s not a good feeling.  The forecast for College Station, TX:  3/4 inch hail or larger…tornadoes…torrential rain.

The television truck definitely has mobile home-like qualities today.

Last night I watched “Knocked Up.” The unrated version. I kept watching all the way to the end. Through 2 airports, 1 flight, and my hotel room. I have to say…that is ALL time I will never have back. This movie was awful. I guess if you’re a guy, you get to look at Katherine Heigl, but even she doesn’t really take anything off…if that’s what you’re waiting for…which I wasn’t. I was waiting for the funny parts..which NEVER came.
I like my share of questionable movies…I watched “Old School” on a plane once (iPod) and laughed so hard people stared at me. I laughed at the ‘Baby Jesus’ scene in “Talladega Nights.” I know “O Brother Where Art Thou” and “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” by heart. I’ve seen “The Big Lebowski” at least 4 times…I DO have a sense of humor.

This movie sucked. The dialogue was worse than a Kevin Costner or George Lucas movie. There wasn’t really acting going on here…it was more like teleprompter reading. Paul Rudd looked like a vampire and Katherine Heigl looked like a Victoria’s Secret ad that screamed ‘fuck’ every 15 minutes. And no woman who looks like that would EVER have slept with Seth Rogen…I don’t care how drunk she was.

Go watch “Hot Fuzz” instead. Or “Paris Je’Taime” I watched that first and it was really good.

I’m doing 3 things right - simultaneously…drinking, running and being over 45. I thought drinking was my worst vice, but with my genes…I should probably drink more. This must be why Dad’s arteries clogged and Mom’s cholesterol is so high. It definitely wasn’t lack of exercise. They just didn’t drink enough. They hardly drink at all.
And here I thought I was teetering on the edge of NON-moderation…and I was really increasing the benefits of all that exercise with my clever combination of exercise and red wine.

On the way to school this morning:
The Strokes, Hell Yeah, Stone Sour, Biohazard, Velvet Revolver….Leo Kottke.
All on the iPod of the 15-year-old…cool.

does anyone COUNT IT??? My state primary is May 6. Why do we even bother? It won’t matter. At the rate we’re going…it will all be a done deal by next Tuesday. CNN speculates that only 452 delegates can currently be awarded out of 4,049. 452. Yet we are left with only 2 candidates.  God only knows what tiny fraction of a percentage these early primaries comprise of the total US democratic population….but I DON’T AGREE WITH THEM! And now they’ve whittled my possible candidates down to 2.
This is not a political process anymore. It is a media extravaganza and a democratic disaster.

Being too cold CAN make you sick. CNN says so. In the last 10 days I’ve gone from 85° (Miami) to 48°(Davidson) to 8° (Detroit) and then 68° (Orlando).
I feel like a clinical trial example.

Quote of the day from Reverend Huckabee:
(I believe he was responding to or attempting to clarify a statement made in this video )
“Well, I probably said it awkwardly, but the point I was trying to make– and I’ve said it better in the past – is that people sometimes say we shouldn’t have a human life amendment or a marriage amendment because the Constitution is far too sacred to change, and my point is, the Constitution was created as a document that could be changed. [But not to suit your personal religious preferences…] That’s the genius of it. The Bible, however, was not created to be amended and altered with each passing culture. [No. The Bible was created by men. Men who were writing years after the events took place, and whose words have been filtered through many translations and church agendas. Think of it as media spin from 400 AD. He can’t seriously believe that the Bible’s text has never been altered along the way?] If we have a definition of marriage [WE don’t have a definition of marriage. You have yours apparently…and I have mine.], that we don’t change that definition, that we affirm that definition. And that the sanctity of human life is not just a religious issue. It’s an issue that goes to the very heart of our civilization of all people being equal [as long as they’re Christian, I’m assuming], endowed by their creator [God?…Allah?…Buddha? - note the absence of a designated creator by the geniuses who wrote the Declaration of Independence - which is what he is actually quoting here NOT the Constitution] with alienable* [think he meant ‘inalienable’ here - I hope he did…] rights of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That was the point. The Bible was not written to be amended. The Constitution was. [yes it was…but not to better serve your own religious beliefs] Without amendments to the Constitution, [Mr. Huckabee..meet the First Amendment…] women couldn’t vote, African-Americans wouldn’t be considered people. [Perhaps we need to amend the Constitution to make that separation of church and state bit more…uh…noticeable?] We have had to historically go back and to clarify, because there’ve been injustices made because the Constitution wasn’t as clear as it needed to be [and there have never been any injustices caused by misinterpretation of the Bible…], and that’s the point.”

Religion is not supposed to guide politics. Not in this country. That’s what the First Amendment is all about. Maybe those geniuses saw Mr. Huckabee coming…
*alienable: adj. able to be transferred to new ownership

But the other day, this statistic caught my eye: 90% of women use some form of pain medication during childbirth. So then…I started to wonder…why exactly do we do this? And why is the British rate so much lower?
I remember great emphasis placed on attempting drug-free labor by our birthing coach. (And this was the hospital’s birthing class!) I guess I just assumed everyone was taking the suggestion seriously?
Over the years, I’ve realized that there were/are NOT that many people who really went the drug-free route…and I wonder why. I know there are times when it truly is just not possible. I understand that. But I don’t think that 90% of women cranking out kids need drugs to do it. (They probably needed my husband though, because he was just amazing at the whole supportive birth coach thing - we should have rented him out to other women. He should get a lot of the credit for the 2 drug-free births - and he didn’t even care if I had pain medication or not).
Anyhow…we had 2 babies, each 2 weeks late, each over 7.5 pounds…one sunny-side up - it sounds cute doesn’t it? Ha. One 12-hour labor with a sprained ankle (it’s hard to walk that extra 50 lbs down a flight of stairs in the dark) and one 2-hour induced one (heavily negotiated with the OB who said Pitocin, we said just break the water and give us an hour - Richard is a very good negotiator too…I’m not sure I was rational at that point - you carry around 50 extra pounds on the front of YOUR belly for two extra weeks…)
Total drug use: a local for the vacuum thingy for that cute sunny-side up kid.
Did it hurt? Yep. Was it supposed to? Yep. Was it unbearable without drugs? No. Was it better for our kids? Who knows, but it didn’t hurt them. Am I a little smug about? Yep. But not because the other women don’t…it’s because I thought I could do it - and I did. (or we thought I could do it…)
It’s like making it to the top of a climbing wall, or getting back on the motorcycle after it lands on you - it’s kind of scary and it hurts - but when it’s over you feel proud of what you’ve been able to do with your body in spite of what’s going on in your head. Maybe it’s a control thing? I just like knowing that I could make myself last through the labor or the wall or the motorcycle class? It’s good to be frightened occasionally. (”You must do the things you think you cannot do.”  Eleanor Roosevelt - or her husband’s more familiar version of that…”the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”)

Americans are so committed to subverting the natural processes of our bodies. We want Tylenol for our headache, antibiotics for our viruses, pills to melt our fat, injections of cow fat to fill our wrinkles. Why did we become this way? Does it make our lives better? I think it makes us less able to manage pain, or adversity.
My head will almost split open before I will take an aspirin. I’ve taken antibiotics once in the last 10 years. I have a love-hate relationship with the iron pills that I KNOW I have to take. I just don’t like being dependent on that kind of stuff. I want to fix it myself.
Although the cow fat for the wrinkles is becoming more and more appealing…

to fill the devasting void in the publishing world that has been left by the absence of Britney’s mamma’s book.  I hear Mr. Huckabee is a great dad - he sets such a good moral example for his dog-hanging son (and how do you make Eagle scout with THAT hanging over your head?).
Yeah…I’d want him to be MY president.

Please, please announce a skinny MacBook this morning. I love this thing (a 13 inch Intel MacBook)…but it weighs 2 pounds more than it ought to. Please keep the price fairly low (like this one was!). I don’t even really care about the Intel chip - although it’s handy sometimes. I could even get over not having an internal drive. But if you could just make a lighter one? So I could pull it out of my bag with ONE hand? So my shoulder won’t hurt all the time from lugging this thing around? So I don’t cry anymore when I looked at my dead 2 lb. Sony Vaio?
I love the MacBook, but it is just too big and fat.
Thanks,
Jill
P.S.  I’ll be watching…

or…something else entirely? Take this quiz and see if you can tell which woman is the porn star and which is the Fox television personality.  (I scored 6/10 and I never, ever watch Fox News)
Please note that I refuse to refer to them as “journalists.”

(Thanks to Richard for the tip…)

Every single morning of his miserable life, someone puts food in his bowl by 6 am. In spite of this, our smallest cat remains convinced that this will never happen - we’ve forgotten, we’ve run out of food - whatever his little cat brain can conjure up for torment.
So at 5:30 this morning, while I was standing on tip toe to put the water in the pot for the coffee that was really needed BEFORE his cat food - he sank a claw into the top of my foot. Just to point out that the bowl was empty. In case the running back and forth and bleating at me hadn’t done it. In case the jumping up and down on the bed since 5 hadn’t done it.
This is the same cat who used his claws like an ice ax in my right shoulder to arrest his fall off the bed last week at 4 am.
The one that can not just meow to be let in at 2 am - he has to climb the screen instead.
The one that comes inside at 3 am to use the indoor catbox, when he’s just been in the giant outdoor one - that we don’t have to smell or scoop.
The one that sinks his claws into you while stretching himself on your bed in the middle of the night - because…”Oh…I’m sorry… you mean I have sharp things on the end of these paws? Imagine that? Ooooo…look…that’s blood isn’t it? You left the Bactine in the pantry…”
Cats make wonderful throw rugs, uh…companions, don’t they?

No wonder we can’t sleep. Maybe he’s trying to drive us insane, so we will never, ever put the lid on the cat food bucket, and we will leave the pantry door unlocked.

In May 2007 Nielsen Media Research, Oprah had an 8.1 rating/32 share. Out of the Top 100 markets in the country, KCCI’s 8.1 rating was 12th highest, but KCCI’s 32 share was tied for 2nd highest.

For those of you who didn’t have to take Media Marketing in college…this means about 40,000 people in the largest tv market in Iowa (Des Moines) watched Oprah on a regular basis. 40,000. (That’s about a fifth of the total number of Democrats who turned out for the 2008 Iowa extravaganza - if my early morning math is correct)

I like the guy…I’m just saying…

When I was a kid I would read the encyclopedia and the dictionary…I’d start out with an actual purpose and find lots of other more interesting things to read about before I ever got to what I was looking up in the first place. Now we call that ADD, but then my parents thought it meant I was brilliant. Don’t you know they’ve been so disappointed.
Thank god there was no internet then - I’d never have gotten anything done.

Here are some of my favorite things I’ve found lately…when I was really looking for other stuff at the time.

1. Speeding ticket enforcement - by state.  I REALLY live in a red state…
2. Real-time flight delays - by airport (not sure how accurate this is, but cool)
3. This makes me laugh until I cry every time I look at it. I wish I could meet this woman.
4. I was trying to figure out the genetic probability of 2 blue-eyed parents having a brown-eyed child (since I’d always heard it wasn’t possible, yet we did it) and found this.

From the Pittsburgh airport during a 2 hour delay while trying to get to Cleveland to work Christmas.

At this point, I would love to play one of my favorite Christmas songs for the nice folks at my gate…but I don’t think it would be appropriate.  Not that it usually matters…bricks - right Richard?

The woman can sell a million extra books just by choosing a title for her book club.
Now, you can buy a book without reading it. And I suppose you can watch the show and get the gist of the plot…I haven’t watched an Oprah show since 1986 so I can’t really speak to that. But pushing a button on a voting machine is MUCH easier than reading an entire book. (Especially “Anna Karenina” or “The Road”) I know Al Gore lost by electoral votes and not the popular vote…but think about the implications here.
If her candidate got nominated (Oprah viewership is pretty statistically significant in early primary states) and if Oprah could influence even half a million presidental votes, spread in certain ways across the states with a larger electoral vote count (think: California, New York, Texas, Florida, and her home state of Illinois has 21)…doesn’t it make sense that she could basically choose the next president. Of course, it helps that her current choice is popular, and has the charisma and easy appeal for her television audience. (I have no idea who I’d vote for tomorrow, by the way. This is NOT a condemnation of her choice!)

All the pundits are saying one’s presidental choice would never be made as lightly as one’s choice of reading material. Who are they kidding?
Oprah voters just have to push a button. That’s much easier than plowing through 838 pages of Tolstoy.

I’ve been watching all the press for the movie “The Golden Compass.”  It looks like it will be a beautiful movie: Nicole Kidman, Eva Green, Daniel Craig, Ian McKellen, Kristin Scott Thomas plus a budget equal to half the total of the entire “Lord of the Rings” trilogy.  Someone has put alot of money and effort into this movie.
It took much longer than I expected for the storm to hit.

“The Golden Compass” never really seemed to be a children’s book to me.  I read it years ago after finding the title while I was looking for books that would interest the boys.  I found it on a list of “books for kids even better than Harry Potter.”  I liked it, but found it pretty disturbing to be touted as a children’s book.  The antagonist of the book is organized religion.  And it is very evil.  To a fairly objective adult, it is religion made evil because of its huge organization and lack of true faith.  At least that’s what I felt when I read it.  My kids wouldn’t even consider reading it (the main protagonist was a girl - yuck), but I read them all.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do struggle with the religion thing myself.  My friend Suzanne (who writes the helpful  Cliff Notes to American Politics ) refers to me as an “unresolved agnostic.”  I thought that described me well.  I just wonder if I’ll resolve it before I die.

So anyway, when I heard the movie was in production, I did wonder when the protesting would begin.  Organized religion can have a field day with this one.  While the Harry Potter series goes out of its way to stay religiously neutral, Philip Pullman doesn’t even try.  He clearly wants to poke that beast.  And here comes that beast… and it’s not happy.
This ought to be interesting for us unresolved agnostics to watch.

nothing kills time like free wireless internet. Here’s a list of which airports offer what.  And I can tell you that if you’re in the Houston airport…if you sit near the Continental frequent flyer club thing…you can steal their free internet.  Handy.  I need to remember to try doing that other places…hmmm.

www.freerice.com

Richard found this great website, I think a dad set it up to help his son study for his SAT. This is SO cool, you’ve got to try it. And if you’ve got a SAT-prepping student you can park them in front of it. I donated 440 grains of rice before I missed one. You get to see the bowl fill up with rice as you answer and know you are wasting time for a great cause.

(one cup of rice contains 7250 grains…in case you care - so keep playing)

The one that said that children who come from homes with a lot of books are supposed to do better academically.
We sat down to dinner tonight and we all read (when it’s just me and the boys - we read at the table)
The 18-year old read “Into the Wild,” the 15-year old is alternating between re-reading the last Harry Potter and the first book of “Shogun.” I’m re-reading “Atonement,” before I go see the movie.
I counted 705 books in our house tonight…and I didn’t count them all. There’s a reason we have too many books.* But considering the average American home has about 93 books…and this is supposed to be an indicator of good academic performance - wouldn’t you think we’d get better grades out of these reading children of ours?

*When I was a kid, I read ALL the time.  Library books.  One of my favorite books
was "A Wrinkle In Time."  I loved it so much, I wanted a copy for myself.  So I
tried to type my own copy on a really long roll of paper.
I never finished...I rarely finish anything - except books - I always finish those.
But we have 2 copies of "A Wrinkle In Time" on our bookshelf now. When our kids
started reading, we would buy them anything they would read...
I like to read the good ones more than once.  I have Valium books,
they calm me down and keep me from thinking too much.
I've read them over and over and over.  You watch tv shows
over and over - I just read the books over and over.
I read some junky mystery trash too...this is not about intellectual superiority.

we listened to:
Lil John and whoever else that was on “Get Krunk”
the Ying Yang Twins
Papa Roach
Korn and Dem Franchise Boyz
and Eric Johnson

and then the ipod went to school, and I listened to NPR.  This is cultural diversity in my car.

I have a silly job.
I’m a horrible housekeeper.
I’m not really sure I’m a good mother.
But we have been married for 22 years today.
And I can still wear my wedding dress.

I may not actually be a good wife. I’m never home, and when I am…I don’t make a big effort on all the girly stuff.

But at least I didn’t get fat.

Happy Anniversary. I do still love you.

hardworking….Halloween monkeys.

When my sister was in high school, her favorite snack was crackers with cream cheese and jalapeno peppers.  She’d eat the jalapenos right out of the jar if there weren’t enough crackers.
Last night I ate a tiny ring of jalapeno on top a piece of sushi.  By mistake.
It was 20 minutes before I could taste anything else I was eating.
How did she do that?  Out of the jar?

We have rain.  Actual water coming down from the sky.
Yesterday we had fog.  It almost felt like rain, you had to turn your windshield wipers on.  But right now…
It is pouring!  Rain.
May it last all day.
May it drown the plants of everyone who has been using well water to irrigate their landscaping.

and if you’re humming along with that - you should listen to this.  It’s called Radio Nigel, and I listen to it on iTunes, but you don’t have to mess with that.  You can stream it at RadioNigel.com

You’re not gonna hear Madonna either.  A sample playlist from this morning:
Lenny Kravitz: American Woman
Peter Gabriel: Games Without Frontiers
Thomas Dolby:  Europa & the Pirate Twins
The Cure:  Boys Don’t Cry
Siouxshee & the Banshees: Dazzle
Art of Noise: Close (To the Edit)

No Madonna, no GoGos.  There is more Duran Duran than I’d like…but it’s way better than anything on the radio.  Their tagline is “we don’t do THAT 80’s.”

According to Ann Coulter, Christians are on the FedEx fast track to heaven. This was pretty entertaining reading this morning at 6 am.  Okay, it wasn’t really entertaining, I know she just says this stuff to be “Ann Coulter.”  It was an amusing mental image though.

To the folks who live about 2 miles west of us.  You know who you are.  About 3 years ago, you built your generic house, with your instant sod yard and your water sucking shrubs and flowers.
We wondered why you hired the well diggers, being on Davidson town water and all.
But soon we found out why.
Your sign reads “well water irrigation.”  And you put it out during every low water period.  And now…during our worst drought in a decade - your stupid sign has been up all summer.

And I just have to say one thing.
That’s our drinking water you are wasting on your stupid grass and plants you selfish, arrogant idiot.
All water comes from somewhere - whether you have to pay for it, or are restricted from using it.  And that SOMEWHERE is in a drought too.
And you…Mr. and Mrs. Well-Water Irrigation on Concord Road - you are wasting the same water all your neighbors down the road use for other important things like…
Drinking. Taking showers. Flushing our toilets.
That’s OUR water you are wasting.  It’s the only water source we have.
I hope your well runs dry before ours does.
Ass.

Geez.  They’re as stupid as the Loomis Fargo guys.

I think the big ole Monty Python hand of God needs to come down and smite him some sparrows.  Particularly the ones who are ignoring the whole “separation of church and state” thing.

To the women in the Huntersville Target store on Thursday:
The name of the godless book is “Flowers for Algernon.” It’s not great classic literature but it does offer up some interesting discussion points about intelligence, honesty and loyalty. And there are two versions - the original short story and a short novel. I’m assuming you read neither yourself since you couldn’t even recall the title of the book in your condemnation of it. The short story - by the way - would expose your precious child of God to neither the “gd” phrase (as you called it) nor the “SEX” (which was almost hard to hear when you whispered it a few decibels lower than your regular conversational tone - which was definitely NOT hard to hear - even an aisle over from you).
Also, I don’t really think God cares where you send each of your children to school. I know He notes when even the smallest sparrow falls (Matthew something or other), but I think He’s got His hands pretty full with those 400 sparrows dying in Darfur every day.

I bit my tongue. Really bit it. Because we know…I’m not always so good at keeping my mouth shut. And no one was there to stop me. And 2 days later, I wish I had spoken up. Because I’m still carrying it around with me.
You’re an ignorant, frightening person.
I just had to tell you.
I bet God thinks so too.

Saliva, Foo Fighters, Ozzy Osbourne, White Zombie, Avenge Sevenfold and part of another Ozzy song.  7:30 am.  Better than coffee.

So CBS has this new tv show called “Kid Nation.”  You can watch a promo on YouTube.
Who is the villain here?  The parents who would sign a 22 page contract basically giving their 8-15 year old child to a television crew for 40 days?  The production team who dreamed up (or stole) the idea of putting such a disparate and inappropriate age mix of children together?  Anyone who will watch this incredibly tasteless exploitation?

Which parent risked the well-being of their kid for the remote possibility of college tuition via the daily “Gold Star?”
Actually the more devasting question is…
Which parent sent their Piggy to be on Kid Nation?

This is so fucked up, in so many ways.  This is wrong.  When did our country completely lose its sanity?  Its sense of what is appropriate?  Its responsibility towards its children.  Not to mention a total lack of good taste.
If I could heave the television out the window…I would.
If I could heave it onto the producers of this show…even better.

Sometime during the fall of 2002, I heard that Warren Zevon was dying of lung cancer. I was sitting in a hotel room. Somewhere in an SEC football town. But I had this very vivid memory of me and our youngest son, going through the grocery store when he was about 2. As we went down the cereal aisle, he was reaching for the boxes and singing.
But no “Wheels on the Bus” for him. He was singing “Carmelita” by Warren Zevon.
“Carmelita…hold me tighter…cause I think I’m sinking down…and I’m all strung out on heroin on the outskirts of town.” With a pacifier in his mouth, no doubt.
And I could understand him. Every word. Right in tune.
At first I was horrified by the fact that our 2-year old had managed to pick up the lyrics of a song about heroin addiction. (We had been listening to a Zevon tape in the car at the time) Then I was pretty impressed that he could repeat the whole verse and chorus. With a pacifier in his mouth.
So when I heard that Warren Zevon was dying, I sent him an email. And told him this story. And I was sad for Warren Zevon, but I was happy for him as well. Because, when you can write songs that are that good…I guess you never really die. When 2-year-olds sing your songs in the grocery aisle - you’re immortal.

Warren Zevon died September 7, 2003. Go out and buy a cd of his. Sing “Carmelita” with your toddler. Warren will smile at you from heaven.

well..not Tangier, Morocco (which is the family saying…”it’s as hot as Tangier”). Yesterday, the meat thermometer I put outside in the shade said 105 - with about 40-50% humidity. And it was only 82 in Tangier. Dakar, Senegal was only 89. Needles, California was 104. Death Valley, which is supposed to be the hottest place on earth was supposed to hit 105 yesterday. And in Death Valley…it was a DRY heat.
So the official temperature for yesterday says…102.  And I know my meat thermeter is not a weather measurement.  But how far off can it be?
It’s hot.  Even to me.

Unfortunately…NOT that kind of a blue state.  (It does seem like people are getting bigger, especially the ones sitting next to me in coach!)

We have this tiny book of Zen koans and stories.  I love to read it, even though I’m never sure I understand the teaching.  This is my favorite (I turned the corner down in the book to mark it years ago.)  I’ve never seen a name given as author, it is always listed as “zen story.”

Two monks were once travelling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling. Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

“Come on, girl,” said the first monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

The second monk did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he said. “It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”

“I left the girl there, the first monk said. “Are you still carrying her?”

So I’m sulking and pouting around the kitchen fixing dinner, calling Amazon to complain about NOT getting our Harry Potter books and what comes through the door?

A copy of the book. From my husband and the local bookstore. Because that’s the kind of guy he is. I’m all caught up in injustice and the UPS fibbing and the NOT being able to read the book before somebody tells me how it ends and how stupid I was to even order it online if I cared so much about it being on time.
And off Richard goes…to just buy another copy.
Sometimes I really don’t see the forest for the trees.
Or the dirt on the floor.

So I’ve finished it. And it was excellent.
Thanks Richard.

Although I admire Amazon for taking the hit for UPS (who CLEARLY didn’t even make it to the correct address with our 2 Harry Potter books - I can read the tracking log and it never says “Charlotte” when they deliver stuff to our house, plus at 7:59 am - the alleged time of the delivery attempt - there were 3 cars in our driveway and 4 people in our house. In the last month UPS has left a MacBook and a Claymore Sword on our doorstep without ANYONE here - why not a couple of books?  Because they were LYING that’s why).
It’s all nice that they are both free now. I like doing business with Amazon.  That phone call took about 5 minutes.  I hope they make UPS pay them back.

I just really wanted the book. To read. Tonight.
I may be $40 richer…but I am NOT curled up on my sofa all night reading.

Somehow…I don’t think it would be this.

What airline am I flying? Yup. US Air. They should change the name to UR Late. Because you’re going to be. In the last 3 months I’ve flown about 30 US Air flights. 3 flights have been on time. 3. I’ve had delays of 3 hours or more on 5 of those flights.
This morning US Air called at 6:36 am as I was leaving for the airport - to tell me this flight was delayed an hour. One hour became two…and now here I sit at the Bradley Airport (with FREE wifi at least). How hard can it be to get somewhere on time? I’m late for everything…and even I can get to the airport on time.  I have missed ONE flight in my life because I was late.  One.  And that wasn’t even my fault.

Apparently not. Let’s…just for a moment…refuse to even ponder if a PG-13 movie is appropriate viewing for children under the age of 2.
Did I miss the vast societal shift that indicated it is now acceptable to PUSH A BABY STROLLER INTO A MOVIE THEATER? With 2 kids under the age of one? And park it in the handicapped spot?
My movie experience certainly was handicapped. And while the Dad gets credit for:
a. taking his kids to the movie, and…
b. asking to me to let him know if they’re being too loud…
THIS IS THE SOUTH, you inconsiderate moron.
I’m not going to be that rude or honest with a total stranger. It’s like the elderly people on the plane who ask you to switch to their middle seat…of course you have to do it. And of course you don’t WANT to do it. (and they KNOW that)
And did the man on my right think he was in church? “Amen.” “Oh yes.” WTF? Is he Siskel? Is he Ebert? Then he needs to BE QUIET IN A MOVIE!

Anyway. The movie was excellent when the babies weren’t crying or pooping. The best adaptation of the book series yet. Daniel Radcliffe has become a much better actor. Imelda Staunton makes a perfect Delores Umbridge. You forget how huge the talent pool is for this series. Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Ralph Fiennes, Dame Maggie Smith, Julie Walters, David Thewlis, Gary Oldman - it’s like reading a list of a British actors’ Who’s Who. You get Helena Bonham Carter and Emma Thompson in roles that have 5 minutes on screen. Incredible talent in this movie.
I’m still not a fan of Michael Gambon…but they had to get somebody to fill those shoes. And the closing credits were hideous. How could they get so much right - and blow the closing credits. Maybe THEIR baby was crying when they got to the credit-design part.

So go see this movie. J.K. Rowling needs more money. She donates a lot of it to good causes. And she’s richer than the Queen, which is only fair.
The Queen couldn’t get a bunch of ignorant American kids to READ and J.K. Rowling did.

It’s summer…and even people who don’t read, read in summer. I was looking at the list of books I’ve read over the last year and there are some that really stand out.
Shantaram (Gregory David Roberts) This one would be good beach reading - although it’s alot more than that. The Shadow of the Wind (Carlos Ruiz Zafon) This is like Life of Pi, you don’t want to read it too fast because you miss the effort the author put into the language. And it’s a great story. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (Mark Haddon) It’s like truly being inside someone else’s mind.  And they’re autistic.  And solving a murder. Fascinating.
And both Malcolm Gladwell books: Blink and the Tipping Point.

So go read. And everyone has stopped sending me suggestions - and I’m pretty sick of the paperback rack at the library right now! I need some ideas!

The bad news is my redeye out of Sacramento is delayed 3 hours.  Everything in this airport will shutdown about 2 hours before that.

The good news is…free wifi in the Sacramento airport.  Sad, I know.

Who’d have ever believed a Mac would be CHEAPER?

Meet the new boss…same as the old boss. Last time we hit the power
button…this 20-year old Mac actually booted up. Which is more than
I can say for either of the Sony Vaios (at 3 and 4 years old)

One of my favorite commercials. Ever.

Even though part of me cringes that I would even listen to the whole song…

Almost any Fall Out Boy/My Chemical Romance song
(My husband has always said that - at times - I have the musical taste of a 14-year-old boy. I think that’s fair. Now apparently I’ve got the musical taste of a 14-year-old EMO boy.)

That Way - The Backstreet Boys
( I actually didn’t even know who did this one…had to google it)

(Everything I Do) I Do It For You Bryan Adams
(awful title, awful song…how can I like this song?)

Paradise By the Dashboard Light Meatloaf
(I just like to sing this in the car…loud, I like the Karla deVito part - and how awful is it that I KNOW the name of Meatloaf’s backup singer?)

Money Talks ACDC
(I like to play it loud when I drive through town with the top down…past all the McMansions that the new people are wedging in everyone’s side yard)

Band of Gold Freda Payne
(what a stupid story in this song…but I’ve loved it since I was in elementary school, so at least I’m consistent)

If original Dr. Pepper is a such a delicious thirst-quenching blend of 23 (artificial) flavors, why on earth do they bother making Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper?  Wasn’t 23 enough?  If you’re busy savoring each of the synthetically produced 23 flavors in the original Dr. Pepper…it seems like the Cherry and the Vanilla would just confuse your sensitive palate?

And why are 99% of the world’s artificial flavors produced in New Jersey?

What every smart squirrel does when they know winter is coming to their snack table:

I’m packing all this for tomorrow…when there will be Diet Dr. Pepper (Cherry Vanilla)
but no water or food.
It could be worse…we could be in New Jersey.
Oh wait…

Happy, cheerful shoes!

If only it were that easy…

Today, I could really use a mirror that would make me appear
NOT grumpy.

This morning, in fact. I ate my Raisin Bran there. It was cold.
I didn’t get any answers…but then I didn’t offer any gold either.
And I’m not making enough gold to be here…which reminds me of
this book I saw the other day.

Think I have one of those already - didn’t even buy the book.

FBI Says Terrorists Train in Poconos.

I’ve been stunned by what has happened in Blacksburg. But I’m amazed by the story of Liviu Librescu. As a young Romanian, Liviu Librescu survived the Holocaust, and later openly defied the Communist regime. He eventually became a professor at Virginia Tech.

Yesterday, Liviu Librescu stood in the path of a lunatic, and because he did, his students survived another type of holocaust. Liviu Librescu did not.

When you try and make sense of something so insensible as what happened at Virginia Tech yesterday…think of Liviu Librescu.

Who knew one of these things could actually sink.  Although I guess that’s what they thought about the Titantic, too.

“You’re awake and trying not to be, wrapped around your pillow like a prawn.”
“You know the rent in is arrears, the dog has not been fed in years”
“All bets are off …I’m sprawled across the davenport of despair.”
“..and the tag on her toe, read death by misadventure.”
“bandwagon’s full..pleeeeaaase take another”

This is on the food table. The initials of our
Ops person are:
a. GS
b. DZ
c. MM

I’m back…I think

I sat down in my nice aisle seat and the lady in the middle said
“Would you mind switching seats with me - I’ve had hip replacement
surgery and it’s hard for me to get up?”
What am I going to say?
“No, you’re not going to get up on this flight anyway.”
“No, I have claustrophobia.”
“No, you should have called USAir like I did and asked for an aisle seat
when you couldn’t check in online and pick a seat.”

No. You have to change seats. There is no way I could be that…
rude.

But then they both poached my armrests…the blurry leopard is me.
The dark blur on either side are Mr. Seat A and Mrs. Hip Replacement.
That would be me - Mrs. Claustrophic Fake Leopard Coat in the middle.
Today was the day I was very grateful the ipod came back to life…
Harry Potter put me right to sleep - and it didn’t bother me anymore.
At least she didn’t spill HER tomato juice on me.

At least this guy thought I looked germy when I
sat down next to him. 30 minutes after I took this
he knocked his tomato juice in my lap when he
got up for the bathroom.
Had no clue he’d even done it.

So I took the hard drive out…and put it back in…and turned it on.

Dog. Bone. Jill. Broken thing.
I just have to mess with it.
Maybe I should call it Lazarus. As long as it lasts until Saturday.
Charlotte to Seattle to Phoenix to Charlotte…is that so much to ask?
Ask my husband about the projector I took apart and waited too long to
put back together.

So we’re standing beside some big chunk of water, in Miami. Watching a cruise ship turn around. And in the group of people remarking on the technology of turning a ship that large, and envying all the happy people starting off their vacation. I said,
“it just looks like a giant floating petri dish to me.”

And it is! Even the CDC thinks so…

See…I’m as NOT weird as I sounded. It’s a huge problem, just google it.
And you know only 75% of the men and 90% of the women wash their hands after using the restroom…Bon voyage!

when I read these.

I was looking around for unusual Christmas presents, and remembered Terrapass. Basically it’s a way to partially pay for the environmental damage that you cause. And of course, I got distracted by the interactive stuff. My car emits 9,997 of CO2 per year (not SO bad apparently). But then I saw the part about “balancing out your flying.” So I typed in my flights for this month (not even a busy month really).
Depressing. I’m a tiny environmental nightmare.

So…for a recommended level of $200 a year (for the car and the flying), Terrapass will assuage my guilt. And give me a sticker for my car and a luggage tag for my bag. And it may seem crazy, but I kind of like the idea…wonder if it’s tax deductible?

Freedom.

At my friend Ann’s furniture. She makes the coolest stuff, and is alot of fun ito hang out with in Paris as well! (she did lead us to the rat store!)
(And if you work with me…yeah…it’s THAT Ann!) Buy something from her!
www.annadelesmith.com  (I don’t know why I can’t create a working link for it…)

Why can we go to see a PG-13 movie and be forced to endure 5 previews for horror movies that have been “approved for general audiences?” General Audiences??? WTF? I’m going to have nightmares for weeks. Our incredibly brave teenage son was HIDING HIS EYES so he wouldn’t watch one of the previews he had already seen before.
(Braveheart is his favorite movie…s it’s not like he’s faint of heart)(and we were there to see Jet Li’s Fearless - which is a fairly violent martial arts movie)
Why are gouts of blood and ear-piercing cries of horror approved for general audiences? I’d rather see sex, personally. Much more visually appealling than some guy in a leather mask wielding a bloody chainsaw.
Who goes to see these things? Do they vote Republican? Because I’m betting they do.
Listen to how this system operates. It’s very interesting.

Of all the places I wanted to see, Paris was not at the top of my list. But maybe it should have been. It was beautiful. It was the odd things I noticed that made it so appealing. You can walk down the sidewalks on the Champs-Elysees - on a Saturday night - and it’s crowded…but no one bumps into you. It doesn’t smell like a urinal. And there wasn’t trash all over the sidewalk. People are strolling. Slowly. Savoring the evening. And when they want a drink, they sit down to have it. No one carries their cup of coffee around while they walk, unless it’s an American coming out of the Starbucks.
No one seemed to mind that we couldn’t speak French. Although we always tried first, and apologized that we could not. And everyone was gracious about it, hopefully enjoying the quiet superiority of being better educated - since virtually every person we met could speak far more English than we had French.
The last night I was there, we walked to the Louvre and back (for a geocache) at 11pm. And felt completely safe the entire time.
There were so many things I didn’t have time to see. But some of the favorites of what there was time for…
The Louvre.
Sacre Couer.
Angelina’s.
Arc de Triomphe de l’Etoile. (A most inspiring war memorial for a country so condemned for its cowardice - at least by my “country.”)
and the sparkling lights on the hour on the Eiffel Tower.
Here are the pictures I uploaded to Flickr before I went over my free space allowance.

I am.
Since the first week of August, I’ve flown about 28,207 miles.
That’s about 80+ hours on a plane.
5 flights were redeyes.
Now, I was asleep for most of that. Somehow it doesn’t feel like real sleep. It’s like dog years to people years. 80 hours of plane sleep = 40 hours of sleep-in-your-own-bed.
It’s 9 school mornings the guys have had to do on their own - and with one getting up at 5am - that’s tough.
It’s also 24 trips through security. With the new rules. And you can make it through with lotions and gels in a plastic ziplock bag. NOT that I would ever do such a thing.
I can’t have my bottle of water (and that 8 oz cup is not enough) - but any terrorist with a brain could easily get what they need on a plane in this country. What’s wrong with that?

It’s warm.  It’s pretty.  It’s cleaner.  The sushi is better.  The Starbucks is closer.  The frequent flier miles are better.  There are In-N-Out Burgers. Ummm…it’s NOT Detroit.

when ops is too cheap…

So my movie reviewing partner finally made me watch ALL of Peter Jackson’s “King Kong.” After listening to me complain that it was so awful I couldn’t get through more than 15 or 20 minutes of it on a plane…C got me to watch the whole thing. And I shouldn’t have condemned it without watching all of it. Andy Serkis and the team that brought Kong to life did an amazing job with him. I still don’t think too much of Jack Black - but maybe his stilted perfomance was intentional. And that last line of dialogue is clearly a nod to the original…awkward as it was. C. pointed out the parallels between the two attacks on Kong - nature/mechanical. It is always interesting to watch a movie with the benefit of his interpretation. Remember this is the child that pointed out the similarity between the storytelling theme of “Forrest Gump” (a movie I hated) and “Big Fish.” (a movie I liked) A connection I would never have made. He’s only 13. Maybe he’ll be a famous director someday.
I am glad he made me watch the whole movie.
Even if it made me cry.

You can take pictures out your plane window when you are bored and awake
and you pass something interesting that is finally on your side of the plane…
like Mount Rainier.

Pond cleaning body count: 1 beautiful orange, black and white koi, 3 stupid brown goldfish.
You should never catch your koi using your biggest tupperware box. Even though the nice, soft net wouldn’t hold him. And he insisted on jumping out of his nice temporary pond twice before I could get the other one clean. I had to pick him up with my bare hands…twice. Fish are slimy. I like to look at these fish - NOT touch them.
But I picked him up and put him back in the safe clean water.
So does that make it his bad karma or mine?

and if I killed a fish…at least I didn’t kill the lilies.

The guy travels 6,211 miles to surprise (or humiliate - by showing up without even letting them know he was coming!) the new democratic government in Iraq - and this is the best he can do? That’s a long trip just to bolster the old approval ratings. And why does he need to do that?
Let’s see…in the last month or two we’ve learned:
1. that the Bush administration intentionally withheld aid in the early hours of Katrina to make Governor Blanco look bad - to help Republicans in the next election. (Vanity Fair June issue)
2. the Department of Justice is asking ISPs to archive and provide upon demand 2 years worth of our internet history. (BetaNews)
3. that we’ve really spent around $580 billion on the war in Iraq (Slate)
4. that our current administration treats our constitution so lightly even Hastert and Frist are whining about it (Washington Post)
“Seize the moment?” Somebody better be taking advantage of this “moment” and it had better be the Democratic party in our own country. And it had better NOT include supporting Hillary Rodham as a possible presidential candidate. She may be brilliant. She may be a good politician. She will never be a viable Democratic presidential candidate. And that’s what we need. Soon.

Strangers do not talk to me in public places. I never really thought about it until recently. They just don’t bother me. It was a topic of conversation at a pregame meal last week. Everyone was telling funny stories about weird people they have met on planes, in airports, in waiting rooms. How the people persist in trying to engage them in conversation - even when they are listening to ipods or sleeping (the first line of defense). I had no good stories. Because people do not talk to me…I said. I never get past “excuse me, I’ve got the window or middle seat…thanks.” How do I manage this? I wasn’t really aware I was doing anything.
Okay… I am reading, or listening to music. If I’m on a plane - or about to get on a plane, I am doing something that is distracting me from the fact. I hate to fly. Still. I just can’t let myself think about the plane door closing. Especially on a longer flight. So my nose is in that book. And I’ve got my ipod on. If I’m lucky, and really, really tired…I’m asleep. So maybe that’s why no one is speaking to me.
Maybe it’s because I’m short, and it’s harder for them to make eye contact without stooping. Maybe I just look unfriendly?
I think it’s my personal stranger-repelling force field. And I’m not sure that I ever minded having it, but something interesting happened a day or two after this dinner conversation. I was in the San Antonio airport at 5am, on about 3 hours of sleep (for the 4th night in a row) and my personal force field failed. Spectacularly. Noticeably. A nicer older man (60ish?) sat down and talked to me the entire time he read my USA Today. He was garrulous, he was friendly, he was on his way to Puerto Rico and he knew all the gate agents by name. He tried to get them to
put my upgrade seat next to his but I said I was too short to sit in the bulkhead row! (pretty quick excuse for 5am, I thought!) He was very nice, not much younger than my father - and I think he talked the entire flight. (I can only guess that he did - I was asleep for most of it).
He was only the first. People talked to me the entire way home. Why?
My personal stranger-repelling force field had failed.
Was I too tired to offer up my antisocial demeanor?
Was it because I was suddenly aware I apparently had one?
Will this friendliness continue? I’m not sure I want it to.

“This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire, but it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box.” Edward R. Murrow said this…in 1958.
At its best, television can teach, illuminate and inspire. The problem is that we don’t want to be taught, enlightened or inspired by televison.
We want to be entertained - which used to happen when we were being taught, inspired etc. Today we want mental valium (music television). We want mental martinis (sitcoms). We want to be assured our opinions are correct(news). I’m really not sure why anyone watches local news, except for amusement. And I have no clue who could possibly be watching Nancy Grace. Shooting the television seems like a perfectly reasonable reaction when she’s on.
I once spent 5 days in a hotel room and never opened the doors on the television cabinet. The problem for me is not turning the televison off…it’s understanding why so many people want to turn it on in the first place. I’m not a total alien…I’ve spent hours flipping back and forth between the 5 music video channels we get on our dish. Yes, we have a satellite dish. But other than buying the occasional pay per view movie that I’ve been wanting to see - there’s never anything on to watch. And we get hundreds of channels. On that dish. (I am lucky to have a husband that shares my disdain for the box - I can only imagine how awful it would be to have a spouse parked in front of the thing…and I think he would say the same)
Now, I can waste huge amounts of time on the internet - look what I’m doing RIGHT now. Perhaps most people feel that way about television. But on the internet, I read, I think, I write, I work, I email other people. Unless you’re throwing something at Nancy Grace, or working out with those kickboxing shows…television is a passive medium.
A passive medium for a passive nation. We are passive. It’s why we have this president. It’s why local news exists in its current state. It’s one of the reasons ADD is so prevalent - whether through too much kid screen time - or too many parents watching Ritalin ads.
“Don’t let your children watch television until they know how to read
Or else all they’ll know how to do is cuss, fight and breed.” Prince, 1981
So last week was “Turn Off Your TV Week.
Did you?

We saw lots of cool things. We ran past the Liberty Bell (guide in a hurry I suppose). We stood inside Independence Hall. We saw the chair George Washington actually sat in, where Ben Franklin’s house foundation is. Where Betsy Ross’ house may have been - or may not have been. Mold on our lunch sandwiches. Awful TGI Friday’s food for supper (now I know why they advertise so many drink specials on the radio - you’d have to drink alot to eat that food). After supper we took a cool walking tour of historical crime scenes in Philadelphia with another great guide. And then we’re off to our hotel for the night except…
Our bus never shows. Bus 1 is there, Bus 2 is there…so Bus 3 folks pile on the other 2 buses and we wave at the lost Bus 3 as we pass it on our way to the Crown Plaza (nice hotel!). It’s 9:30 when we get there…and 10:30 when Bus 3 gets there. (I’d have gotten lost too…I’m not going to complain too much about him!)
We’re tired, we’re cranky…and we can’t even have a glass of wine while we wait.
Favorite part of the day: Christ Church was wonderful. We had a terrific speaker who managed to enthrall a large group of bored 8th graders. The building was beautiful and really brought history clearly in focus for us.
Least favorite part of the day: My son putting a token in the “Hydro Thunder” video game in the hotel lobby at 6am. That has to be the loudest game ever.
Bribe money status: all three guys have all their money left. So that’s working well. Whenever someone starts to get out of control…I hold up 5 fingers and starting folding them in for a big zero fist! Money does change everything!

…or Day 1 of the Philly field trip. I am very fortunate to be on the “good” bus. Nice kids, nice parents, nice teachers. The bus driver…not so sure. He’s a little out of it - especially when you consider he is behind the wheel of this huge bus averaging 68 miles an hour (courtesy of the gps I dragged along which came in handy when he drove past the other 2 buses at our first rest stop and we found the mileage to the next stop on my gps).
The abbreviated tour of Camden Yards was fun (we were late…so it was short), the walk through Baltimore to the Aquarium was interesting with a large group of suburban kids. The Aquarium was beautiful, not as bad as the zoo where I feel sorry for the animals the whole time I’m there. It’s harder to feel sorry for fish in a tank. I’m not sure why.
Supper was at ESPN Zone (I felt like I should get paid for eating there…maybe the mouse will cut a check?) It was loud, and the kids loved it. I’d have loved it too if I could have had one glass of wine! My patience and ears were a little worn by then.
My guys are being great…I was so grateful to have boys today! The girls were so loud and out of control. My boys looked calm by comparison!
We’re off to Philadelphia today…better go check the weather.

Ah, the glamour of this job. Bad hotel, bad arena food, 3 actual meals in 6 days,
mysteriously spreading stomach flu that follows me across the state…
So a picture is worth a thousand words…I took some.

This was my air conditioning unit. In the ParkLane Sheraton. In Greensboro.
I ask you…would YOU want to breath the air that was coming out of this?

It may have Sheraton Four Seasons printed on the coffee cup…but it was NOT.

Let’s see…I’m working here…

instead of here. Ah…those little trade-offs we must make.

And what SHOULD be in this picture, that is missing?
A working Duet would be nice.

Of course, I can just while away the hours…work? Who needs to WORK?
(5 games to go)

Why is everyone around me throwing up this week?

Day 5 - the week so far:
1 speeding ticket (not mine), 2 Red Bulls (mine), 3 inedible meals, 4 games, 5 days,
10 cups of awful Coliseum coffee, 65 hours, and about 1400 graphics later…
(and half a bottle of cherry Pepto Bismol for Lauren)

And then…we had a meal. An actual meal. At a restaurant that had
15 people in it at 7 pm on ACC Tournament Saturday night.
What could this mean?
Let’s not forget the interesting restaurant decor. (Tow truck. We asked)

Best potential pictures I missed because I was too lazy to dig out
the camera:

1. The dam I had to build on the bathtub ledge to keep the water from
   flooding the floor of the bathroom.
2. Anthony and Lauren running the Viz and Duet while Beth and I are sitting
   outside in the sun.
3. The french toast served with big fat sausage things…that were our catered
   meal before the 4 game Quarterfinal work day. And that was ALL they served.
4. The ever present muffin things…blueberry? raspberry? boysenberry?

Questions I asked myself all week long:

1. Is it really THAT hard to make coffee that is actually drinkable?
2. Why do I type so poorly after doing it so often for the last 22 years.
3. When am I going to start throwing up?
4. What kind of mother leaves a child who is that sick - to go off to work?
5. Davidson? Nashville? New Jersey? West Lafayette?

Could someone please decide where I’ll be in 4 days?

I think this was my 24th ACC Tournament. Which leads to the last question.

How much longer can I do this?
Perhaps I could be a caterer…expectations there seem to be very low.

I counted 12 law enforcement car things of various denomination from Kannapolis to just east of Salisbury and none of them were after me. Found a restaurant in Greensboro that serves something besides barbeque and fried fish! Think I’ve fixed the nasty virus my computer picked up. There are fireballs on the food table. So far, so good.

1. I’ve been here at least 12 times in the last 3 years, and I’ve never seen the Liberty Bell.
2. My flight is always, always at least 45 minutes late - coming or going.
3. Yesterday I saw a grown man using a cup for a bathroom. In the airport. With a perfectly useable bathroom 40 feet away. Why?
4. The people are grumpy, not brotherly or loving.
5. It’s 80 degrees at home, and 29 here.

Winning the award for most unusual potential alliances…U.S evangelicals are now splitting from the Bush agenda to wield their formidable power against…global warming? (What would Jesus DRIVE?…I don’t think Jesus would drive at all…I think he would ride a bike.)

cough syrup?
that stuff they have you drink before an upper gastrointestinal exam?
spoiled lemonade?
I think it tastes like one of the colors of Sweetarts…but I can’t remember which one.
And it would taste better with some vodka in it.

He’s 55 years old. He works for the Bush administration. In his spare time, he writes erotic historical fiction and tries to buy Maureen Dowd shots of tequila. Those crazy Republicans.

its craving come round at last, slouches toward the golden arches to order french fries? (sorry Mr. Yeats)

That would be me. Now, according to Morgan Spurlock
they will remain untouched by decay (and isn’t that what digestion is?) for up to 2 months.

And they tasted awful. Just like a fish sandwich.
Like an artificially flavored fish sandwich.

So if the disillusioned men are doing this, I guess the women they are not meeting are doing this? Eventually we could be a nation without any connections at all. If you never have to learn to share - emotions, trust, money, time - with others, what do you become? Think I’ll try and read that book again. (Bowling Alone - Robert D. Putnam)

I can’t decide. Dolls for men?

After 2 years of threatening to take the MSF class and get my motorcycle endorsement…I finally did it. I knew I could manage gears…I was scared I would drop the bike - and I did. The front brake…it was not my friend.

It hasn’t rained here in 2 months - but it was pouring our first day out on the course - and it was still so much fun! I completely understood why everyone rides. But after the second day I understood why they don’t. The first drop was all my fault. We were learning slow, counterweight turns…and I was turning but not enough and I was heading right for the instructor. Would he have moved? Yes. But what did I do? I yanked the front brake lever while the front wheel was turned - and presto - the bike magically dropped out from underneath me.

But… I was still standing…which, I later discovered, was by far the better way. The view from underneath is not nearly as pleasant.

How do I know that? Because when you are practicing panic stops on curves…and you hit the big patch of fine gravel…your front wheel locks. And when your front wheel locks and you don’t have enough sense to LET GO…the back wheel slides around - and guess where you end up? That’s right…underneath the bike. Did I get back up and go around and try it again? Yes, I did. Was I terrified? Yes, I was.

I got a lot of credit from Richard (who has never dropped a bike and makes it all look so easy!.) for having enough courage to get back on and eventually pass the class. I am still not sure if I am brave…or just stubborn.

I think pink is a big color right now…

adj: haphazard, sloppy; adv: in a careless or reckless manner

Sort of describes me doesn’t it? How I think, I how manage things, probably how I write.